New invention idea: vibrating tampons
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
