do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's blow job season.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
