things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I cut my penus on the lid.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he just fucked me for my cheese.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
