wrigley field is MILF paradise
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
