My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
