Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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