it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Congratulations! We have a period
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