In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
