if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
