I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
