I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
