I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
