Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
