Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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