Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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