Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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