i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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