We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
