This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm passing your future prison.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They took my balls.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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