Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
