I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize