I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
