So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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