twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
