No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did i walk over a car last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
