Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we're making bets on your personal life
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
