Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
