Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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