How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
