Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize