Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
