8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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