We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
