I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
