even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The air was thick with penises
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
