i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
