16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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