He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
