just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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