I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
