You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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