watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
