We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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