Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
