really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize