I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His nipple licking is glorious
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