C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
