My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
