I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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