I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Small penises have feelings too.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
