Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
