My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
