Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
