Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
