i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
