She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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