aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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