I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
