I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
