If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
