Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
