Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
