I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
