We won't sleep together?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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