Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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