does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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