Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
