Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize